Let´s go on a date in the US
Searching for the life partner if you are single sounds like a big challenge. My friends are getting engaged, married, they are giving birth or at least they have a boyfriend. I´ve been travelling around the US, take care of kids that aren´t mine and enjoy my life with an occasional date. A date that probably will never bring me my life partner but gives me such stories I never dreamt of.
When I was back in Slovakia I didn´t want to hear anything about dating. I knew that I was about to leave so I wasn´t into it at all. And then I came to America. America where almost each American has ever had installed Tinder and where an average American has had so many dates in their life as Slovaks have one-night stands. A Slovak has a one-night stand and American has a girlfriend (if I can call it that way) for two weeks.
To be honest I was resisting for a long while until I finally installed that famous Tinder. After some time I started considering it as a waste of time so I uninstalled it and then installed it again… And then one day I woke up, installed Bumble, Hinge and Badoo as well and now I am writing this blog about what these dating apps has taught me and why I am more than happy that I´m not an American girl.
Americans really use online dating apps – apps that get you a date. And it is more than easy. All you need to do is filter an age and distance of your potential partner and then all you do is swiping – to the left if you don´t like him (or her or a couple!!) and to the right if you do like him (her, couple). If they do like you as well then a match happens – a connection – and you can start texting. Usually within a day the guy will ask you about hanging out and during the very same week you put your cute outfit on hoping that you won´t meet just another idiot. Spoiler alert: probably you will.
If you want to meet somebody for a serious relationship let me tell you that you won´t meet him on Tinder or it´s “better version” Bumble. A sentence: “We met on Tinder and now we´re getting married.” you will probably hear at least once in your life but in 99,9% you just meet somebody on Tinder, then in person, in the very same day you will have sex and in a week that person will forget about your existence. And so one day I gave myself a question: how can be online dating apps useful without me becoming a w***e?
Let´s start from the beginning…
One day I was texting with my friend and I told her that it was a Saturday afternoon and I had no plans for the evening so I will probably stay at home. She told me something genial: “I am going to find some idiot that I will listen during the whole evening and he will pay drinks for me.” I was laughing that this wasn´t my style but she continued: “The fact that you will hang out with him doesn´t mean that you will have sex with him. I date all the time but I never have sex with them.” And this led me to another question – how does she do that? She meets up with a handsome guy and she doesn´t even kiss him for a goodnight? And so she concluded: “You can´t choose the most handsome ones. You need to go for the average.” And this was my life tutorial that I have learnt months before I installed Tinder for the first time…
A date by itself
Amazing thing about this dating is that you need to realize that at the end it´s not a big deal. You just text with somebody, you can stop texting them anytime and if your date doesn´t go well you can just “fade away” and you don´t owe anything to anyone. It is like a nice entertainment in your free time… Another thing is how you look on the date itself. It´s Saturday evening and you go out with a strange guy. In your pocket you hold your pepper spray hoping that guy won´t rape you. My friend once quoted me one stand-up comedian: “A guy goes on a date hoping she´s not fat. A girl goes on a date hoping he won´t kill her.” And he was right. Not mentioning that in the US there are more guns than people. So what, do you still feel safe with your pepper spray?
What if you want a serious relationship?
Estelle would sing to you: “You´ll be my American Boy, American Boy…” Good luck with that. Once I was talking to my friend and she told me how happy she was that she is in a relationship with her first love. That dating in the US is way too difficult. But why? Well, not every time but very often there are three stadiums before you happen to be in an exclusive relationship: dating, exclusive dating, relationship, exclusive relationship. And if your relationship is not in your Facebook profile, then you are not officially in an exclusive relationship. So basically you can think that you have met a perfect boy but even after three months of dating you can´t be sure that he doesn´t hang out with other girls and he is serious about you. And all the dating apps are going against you. There are so many choices and new people who sing in everyday so you might think: what if there is somebody better? Funnier? More handsome? You don´t have to go anywhere just stay in your cozy home and you go through your options as you were searching for a perfect furniture for your apartment in a catalogue: I don´t like this one, this one isn´t that bad, I will keep this one for later… Back home I´d be paranoid that my guy gets drunk and then he cheats on me. In America I´d be scared that he will install Tinder.
Dating in the US reminds me something like a never ending Black Friday. You will find a lot of cheap and easy-to-get goods for little money and minimum effort. Superficially you will choose the best one and if you won´t like it, you just throw it away because it was cheap and it will not break your heart. On the one side it is a nice entertainment but it is also a waste of time. Because what if the next guy will be better…?
It is probable that by this article I just offended lot of Americans but don´t get me wrong. I am just an ordinary Slovak girl who likes to enjoy her free coffee.