How I became an au pair in the US… and how I survived it all (part 5)

When you jump from the mud to the puddle – new life in Scituate vol.2 (December 8th 2018 – August 26th 2019)

In the previous part I have started writing about my new life in Scituate and I said that everything went out of control. Everything was f****d up. I described how my ordinary day looked like and today I will write about things that were happening behind the closed door. When I think about it right now, it was insane.

The major character of this madness was my new HM. Where should I start… In the third part I was writing that straight before I left Seattle, Nikola contacted me saying that the last au pair who was in this Scituate family literally runaway and that she wasn´t in the best mental condition. Then she sent me a contact for her and this girl sent me screenshots from many others au pairs where they were complaining about this family. What would be my advice for the next au pair? Let me paraphrase my friend: “Leave her somewhere a note saying: run. Probably the washing machine would be the best place.” – Because the new au pair will do a tons of laundry.  

Unfortunately nothing like such a note was waiting for me. For example no one told me that HM and HD will fight or ignore each other all the time (the funniest was a period of time when they were just texting to each other all the time). Also, no one told me that HD was on a rehab before I came. I didn´t know that HM was having about two meltdowns a week and that after a 2 months of me being there she will be upset and mad about everything I do – because everything I did was wrong. Nothing was perfect, just the way she wanted to be. And I wasn´t even thinking that those kids could be so hard to handle…

Let me give you some examples so it will be more fun:

– One day my HM was upset about me that I was cooking a lot of food that nobody eats and so we were wasting (not food, but money). And so, I started cooking less but then she wasn´t happy either because I wasn´t cooking enough. By the way, have I already mentioned that each kid likes to eat something else and come up with a dinner that at least two of them would enjoy was something impossible?… Few months later I found out that when I open a new box of pasta (our everyday dinner) I was supposed to cook all of it. But then we were back to our problem nr. 1 because we were throwing money to the garbage…

– Food was always a problem. For example I had nothing to eat quite often and I had to eat the same thing as I cooked for kids. Once I made lasagnas for dinner and my HM was mad at me that lasagnas are expensive and it is supposed to be done for a special occasion. She told me to cook a regular food for kids – pasta, fish or sometimes meat (but only because she insisted – kids almost never ate meat and they were mad at me that I cooked something they don´t like) and pizza. Other than dinner we always had problems with breakfast. HM told me not to give them the very same breakfast every day – but she was the one who taught them to have a bottle of milk for breakfast! Only L used to have a normal meal on breakfast, but he liked only a cinnamon French toast, occasionally a butter toast. I accept all the ideas how to alternate with food here!  

– I was being told that I was supposed to prepare healthy lunches for L and H. But! Everyone knows that H eats about 4 specific meals only and both of them would rather starve than eat something they don´t like. And then yell at me saying that I didn´t pack them anything edible and so they were starving all day. Houston, we have a problem…

– Let´s talk about the food a little bit more. I have a funny story how I was baking a cake with C once but the dough got stuck a little bit to the pan. That was the reason why my HM banned me from baking. Forever.

– Different note. My HD once told me that my HM was complaining that I was not folding towels correctly. Well, first of all, it was not my responsibility to wash all (!!!) of the towels in the household. Second, no one ever showed me how to fold them correctly. And third – maybe I wasn´t folding them perfectly but when my HM was doing her laundry, she always left it either in the washing machine or in dryer. And so I was the one who was finishing her laundry and hanging it on the hangers because I had to make kids´ laundry and she was basically blocking it. She never complained about it. It happened at least once a week and she said “thank you” to me probably for two times all together. That´s okay, I can do the laundry for the whole household…  

– One day, when my HM didn´t know what to come up with, she complained that I go out every day. She couldn´t have come with something better. After a whole afternoon with her kids I don´t think I´d be able to survive until the morning without a beer. And other than that – when kids finish eating dinner and I clean up the whole kitchen, I was not welcomed in my HM´s company. So was I supposed to sit in my room? And also, I was coming back home latest at 10pm. So where was the problem? She didn´t pay the gas I used nor for the beer…

– This will be beautiful. It was Christmas and my HM bought iPods for kids. Two weeks later she took it away from them because they spent all the time playing with them. Of course kids found them and she returned those iPods to them saying that they were not allowed to watch YouTube and TikTok there. Or play games. And actually, unless it wasn´t weekend they were not allowed to touch it at all. iPods were put on a place where everyone saw them and I was the worst one because I didn´t take them away from kids if they took it. M was ignoring me while I was asking her to put it back, C was yelling at me and closed herself in HM´s room and once when I took it from L and H, both of them jumped at me and they were beating and chocking me. No, thank you. If they were not allowed to spend time on iPods, she should have hid them somewhere until the weekend came. Amen. 

– HM once asked me why there was such a loud and chaos in the house and why her kids don´t listen to me. I gave her such a look that my eyeballs almost felt out of their place and I was speechless. If I wasn´t accommodated over there, I´d ask her why they don´t listen to her either. They obey only when she starts threatening them. When I was threatening them, everyone knew that HM will do anything about it and so I didn´t have any power. My HM once told me to make notes during the day – who wasn´t listening to me and who made me upset. At the end of the day I was supposed to come to her and go through it. So I did. But at the end of the day she told me that she didn´t have energy for that. And when I told her that H was not allowed to watch TV in the evening because he didn´t obey me during the day, she gave me such a look saying how could I do that. Of course she let him to watch TV… And then she didn´t like that the tone of my voice was louder than normal (she could have yelled at them but not me). So what I did was that I was just smiling at them and nicely saying that they have to get ready for school or they will miss the bus. And they just ignored me or yelled at me why I didn´t wash up their favorite shirt during the night. Well, because you wore it today and I don´t do laundry during the night. Sorry.     

– I loved when my HM was asking me why I wasn´t awesome as the previous au pair (not the one who runaway but the one before her). One day she told me: “At that time everything was different and things worked out.” And so, I told this to my HD and he just told me that it was not true. Kids never obeyed anyone, HM never liked her au pairs and he said that I was doing a good job and I shouldn´t listen her complaints. And so I was telling myself that I do everything wrong but overall a good job.

When things get wrong even more

 At the beginning of the year HD told me that the reason why HM was so mean to me was that she was jealous of me. My eyeballs came out of their place once again and I didn´t want to believe that. I was hoping he was just kidding. He said that she didn´t like my friendly relationship with L, H, M, C and HD. So I don´t know what she was expecting from me. But let´s talk about more of my amazing memories… 

– It was St. Valentine´s Day. Kids had to get ready for school but HM called them to come over to the living room and they were giving each other presents and Valentine´s cards. I got one Valentine´s card from kids and HD as well. HM was surprised about it and HD later told me that she didn´t like it and that it was inappropriate. And she got mad at me too, because after about 10 minutes I joined them in the living room and asked kids what they got from their mom. HM told me that I interrupted their family moment. Yes, I am just an au pair, not a family member.

– This one will be interesting. I had to pick up kids at school (usually they take a school bus). I received a text message from my HM saying that she will pick them up. It was 3:30pm and I was waiting for them in the kitchen when suddenly Alexa´s camera turned on and there was my HM. She was checking with me if I knew that she will pick kids up instead of me and she gave me an untrusting look. I told her yes. Then that embarrassing silence happened and then she dropped off the call. HD was in the kitchen with me (but HM couldn´t see him) and he was laughing at me that since when she´s been checking me. I was confused because this situation was pretty awkward, it seemed that she just wanted to check what was happening in the kitchen. Since then she called on Alexa just once while she was on a business trip…  

– … HM had to go on a week business trip. Kids were watching TV and I was talking to my HD in a kitchen. After a while I told him that I was going to take a shower and I left. After about 20 minutes later I came back and he asked me if I had noticed that HM was on Alexa´s camera for about 15 minutes while we were talking. I was surprised because none of us heard that she got connected. Well, she was silently spying on us until HD hadn´t noticed it and turned her off.

– Another great story. It was snowing and so M, C and I went outside to build snowmen. When it was done, HD made a picture of them and sent it to HM (she was on a business trip again). And her reaction was following: “Lucy and C or Lucy and M?” I can´t understand why she couldn´t rather appreciate that Lucy was playing with her kids. And HD just told me that HM doesn´t like the fact that kids like me. Excuse my language but wtf???!! This is insane…    

– Two weeks before I left this madhouse HM told me in person that she doesn´t want me to talk to HD and kids. I looked at her if she was serious and I just said okay. I mean, HD told me a while ago that she forbid him to talk to me and so we were talking only when she was not around. When she was around we were just ignoring each other but at least I knew why. And then after this conversation with HM I assured her that I will never ever talk to my HD and I left her office. And then my HM told me that she wanted to put me into a rematch and I should have been grateful that she didn´t do so. Grateful! Well, Nikola´s comment was very accurate: “If she puts you into a rematch, that´d be the best thing that would have happened to you over there.” And she was right.  

Top story at the end:

It was May 26th, 10:45pm. I came back home from my weekend trip in NYC. HM wasn´t home and HD was sitting in the kitchen, listening relaxation music and holding his head in his palms. I asked him where was HM and he said that C told her that she thinks that I was having an affair with him. Of course she believed to her 8-years old daughter and left the house. I looked at him and didn´t want to believe that this really happened. As I was desperate I started to laugh saying that this can happen to me only. But after all I went through here it didn´t surprise me a lot. And so, I sighed and asked my HM if I was supposed to pack my stuff and leave but he said that he´s not aware of that… I left to my room and started to think what I will do when my HM will kick me out of the house. Well, I didn´t end up on a street but I think this was a day when she officially started hating me. Not mentioning the following morning when she was spying on me thinking that I didn´t see her. And just for the record I have never ever had anything with my HD! He could have been my real dad!! That´s gross… And later got a knowledge that the layer was asking him at the court (as they were getting divorced) if he really wasn´t having an affair with me. That is sick. And I don´t know why it´s so hard to believe in that…      

Talking about HD, he was great, he understood me and he was my moral support. He as the only person in that house was realizing that even I do have emotions, I was not their slave and obviously I was not happy there. But he went through a lot with HM as well. Not mentioning that he was sleeping in the guest room (and at the end HM kicked him out of the house as well) and never ending fights they always had I have seen as one day he felt off the staircase. I have seen as he was taking one step after another one but I didn´t see what was the cause of his fall. HM was upstairs and when she came down, she was laughing and asked him if he was all right. I think this was inappropriate reaction, but whatever. Two days later, kids and I were in a playroom when all of us have heard a very loud shouting. HD was blaming HM that she pushed him down the stairs and that he will call a police. She blamed him that he´s been threatening her and she is going to call her layer. Then a crying HM came out of her room, she took C with her and they left to the library. And now imagine how L, H, M and I were feeling… On the other side there was another funny story. HM took kids for a ski vacation to New Hampshire and HD stayed at home. Nikola and I went for a weekend trip to New Hampshire as well and I told about it to my HM. After my HM came back from the weekend trip she asked me twice where was I during the weekend. She didn´t want to believe me and she was mumbling that there had to be somebody in the house during this weekend. I was ignoring this paranoid nonsense and I left. My HD later told me that while she was gone she called him and he had to show her a whole house on a camera to prove her that no one was there. LOL. And another day when HD left for a ski weekend, HM covered the Alexa´s camera with a tape so if he calls, he wouldn´t see anything. This trip was actually pretty funny. HD just got upset one day and he commanded me to pack kids for a ski weekend. He didn´t tell anything to HM and as he was about to leave the house, she came home. Then a big fight happened, first words about the divorce came out and at the end HD with kids just left. And I stayed at home with my HM who was having a breakdown. And since we like to go on vacation, here is another story. HD wanted to take kids for a trip to Switzerland (his home country). HM of course forbid him to do so. And so he told her that if he can´t take kids out of the country, she was not allowed to take kid out of Massachusetts (she was planning a trip to Manie). An Independence week came and HM left to Maine with kids. Well I think you all know what happened the first day while they were gone… HD booked the whole Switzerland trip for 5 people. And guess what… All of them survived.    

Day of their departure to Switzerland I was flying to Atlanta and New Orleans for my vacation. If you are interested how me and my HM said goodbye to each other, you can read about it here. After I came back from my vacation I couldn´t come back to Scituate (basically she very warmly kicked me out) and if you´re guessing that she made a hell of my life at the end, you´re right! For more of my experiences you will have to wait for the last episode.

Lula